Why The Tough Apology?

Well, I’m back. Immediate family medical issues are being dealt with. And yours truly is working on a better process for this blog – so that there are fewer critical points of interruption.

So, to get back on track – especially now that my legs have healed up:

It happens every so often. Pookah climbs up into my lap, making sure she doesn’t impale me too much on her built-in scythes, and asks a question:

Why do you take such a hard line with apologies? Cats are MUCH more forgiving and reasonable.

I separate Apologies from Forgiveness for one very important reason: Trust.

We give a certain amount of Trust to everyone – friends, family, strangers on the street, companies that we do business with. We Trust that strangers on the street are not going to actively harm us – it is a foundation of civilization. We Trust that the companies we do business with are not going to actively cheat us – it is a foundation of economics. Similar foundations exist in our Trust of friends and family. I’ve posted about this before, regarding Trust, but Verify.

Trust, once broken, requires significant effort to earn back. And this is as it should be.

You are making it complicated again.

Really? Okay, let’s pull some examples from your life, Pookah.

Okay. Just keep rubbing that muscle… right… there…

Would you have come up to the food I set out to trap you if I’d kicked you?

… No.

Why?

Because if you kicked Pookah once you would do it again.

Even if I said I was really, really sorry?

How could I believe you if you kicked Pookah once already?

But I have kicked you, Pookah. Even stepped on you.

That was different.

How so?

It was an accident. You did not mean to hurt Pookah.

How do you know that?

Because you immediately stopped what you were doing, apologized, and then made sure that Pookah was not seriously hurt. You went to extra effort to reassure Pookah that it was alright, you didn’t mean to. If Pookah was hurt, you did your best to help Pookah feel better. Except for that time at the V.E.T. Pookah did NOT feel better until Pookah was home!

Is that all?

Afterwards, when a cat was in the human-walkway, you used your foot to gently nudge Pookah out of the way… until Pookah learned how to avoid clumsy humans.

So you trust me because…?

Your actions, even though they are clumsy, are the same as your words.

Now this, I am proud of! Well, I’ve got to get out in the primordial scrub to… Hey, careful with the sharp pointies!

Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Dangit.

4 Responses to “Why The Tough Apology?”

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  2. Samir says:

    There is a critical shortage of inovimatrfe articles like this.

  3. Dave says:

    I placed my other comment under “absent for a bit,” but it appeared under “why the tough apology.” I’m posting this comment under “why the tough apology.”

  4. Pookahboss says:

    Comments are open for general use. Keep it clean. Don’t spam.

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