Cell Phone Jerks

Are you a cell phone jerk? Do you know one?

Here is an example of cell phone jerkery:

John Doe leaves his cell phone on his desk at work. Its ringer starts going off. FOR. HALF. AN. HOUR. Finally reaching the limits of his tolerance, a coworker shuts it in a drawer, where it is tolerably quieter.

John Doe comes back and complains about someone touching his cell phone.

John, buddy, let me tell you something:

Someone else of the knuckledragger persuasion, is likely going to “accidentally” spill their drink all over your expensive, obnoxious, piece-of-excrement cell phone, and thereby reduce its expected useful life to a nice, big, fat ZERO. All without touching it.

That is assuming, of course, that this obvious sign of your close relationship to a braying, farmyard jackass simply doesn’t up and disappear. Forever. With no witnesses.

Or you might annoy Pookah. Pookahs, like all cats, have a uniquely aromatic way of marking items that they dislike intensely. This will ensure that any nearby human servants of Her Feline Royalty, Pookah the First, will remove the offending item from the Royal Demense with all due alacrity.

Or you might find parts of it. Perhaps all the parts of it, so that you can re-assemble it. Of maybe just the battery. Or a piece of the display screen. A very small, broken, piece of the display screen.

A particularly imaginative, and frustrated, individual, may very well pin your beloved brain replacement device directly to your work area via a pen hammered through it and into the particleboard desk so favored in American cubicle farm decor.

So folks, don’t be a Jerky John Doe. Turn your ringer off unless the cell phone is clamped to your person. If you are deaf or hard of hearing, switch it to vibrate only.

If you are lazy… expect to have to replace your cell phone.

Even though I strongly encourage non-destructive methods for handling these situations, please be aware that all the judges I have observed executing their duties ~hate~ cell phones far more than I do.

But not as much as Pookah does! HHHIIISSSSSS!!!!!!!!!

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